Cláudia Aparecida Mandato Gelernter: 

“Remorse is usually awakened when our pride is hurt”

Our fellow Spiritist and Psychologist from Brazil’s São Paulo state
talks about guilt, remorse and regret in the light of Psychology
and the Spiritist Teachings

	Cláudia Aparecida Mandato Gelernter (photo) has been a Spiritst since the age of 19. For the past 30 years, she has lived in the city of Vinhedo, in São Paulo state, where she works as a Psychologist. She also works as a volunteer at the Spiritist Centre Allan Kardec, where she gives healing, works as a medium, she runs courses and is a public speaker.
In this interview, she provides valuable information combining her background as a Psychologist and a Spiritist.

What is the definition of guilt? 

Contrary to common belief, guilt is not in its origin something bad or negative, as it marks the moment when people realise that they have made a mistake. Without guilt, human beings would not be able to evolve, to progress. However, once you become aware of what you have done, you need to make a positive step: that is reparation, atonement. It is also important to point out that not everyone is capable of feeling guilt, not everyone has that inner bell which may ring at the right time. Psychopaths, for instance, have no capacity to feel guilt or empathy.  

How should we deal with guilt from the perspective of a therapist? 

First of all you must realise that guilt is part of our psychological being. We must accept it as it is: a tool for change. After this initial realisation, which can be quite painful, we must move away from remorse, which is indeed something we need to avoid. But often we are not aware of guilt; it is in our unconscious. I have seen patients with serious problems and who were not aware that they had been caused by guilt for something done in the past to others. In some cases, when the situation is very serious, the best course of action is to retrieve the information from our unconscious to prevent madness. The main point is to help the patient make their own decisions and realise that guilt should not lead to remorse, or else all that will be achieved is more suffering.  

What about the perspective of someone who feels guilty? 

It is not an easy situation. When pain knocks on our door it does not tell us when it will leave. But if it causes anguish, then there is a positive aspect: it will teach us how to choose other, much better pathways for our lives. Guilt is painful, that is clear. We would do many things differently if we could go back in time. The beauty of that is that by the time we come to that conclusion we realise that we have already got the message and are less likely to make the same mistake. We realise that Divine mercy, our loving Father, the Perfect Educator, will provide us with new experiences to test our new skills and determination. We must turn the page! 

In your experience as a psychologist, what is the most common outcome of guilt in your patients? 

Unfortunately it is remorse, which bring about more serious problems, such as trouble in making day-to-day decisions, low self-esteem, constant sadness, sleeping and eating disorders, anhedonia and even depression. 

And what is the Spiritist perspective? 

Spiritism was born with a very clear purpose: to help human beings in their process of self-education. It has amazing and precise principles, which leave no margin for misinterpretations. It reminds us for example of what Peter taught us when he said: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1Pd 4,8). We know that the law is not of talion, but the Law of God, as Jesus taught us. There is one passage in a book by Emmanuel that illustrates that very clearly. He said: “Every time Divine Justice search us so that we pay back for past errors, if it finds us working for the benefit of others, Divine Mercy will order the process to be halted immediately and for an for an indefinite period of time. 

What do we need to do to be able to forgive? 

That is a very important, urgent and yet difficult gesture for all of us, Spirits in evolution. Without forgiving ourselves first, we will not be able to love neither other people nor ourselves. We live in a world surrounded by ignorance and we are under strong influence of the ambient we live in. We are often pushed to make the wrong choices. No one in this world gets it right all the time. But it is important never to give up! From the bad, negative experience we will only keep what is absolutely necessary: the learning process. 

Is there any particular case you would like to share with our readers? 

Once a grandmother came to me in great distress because of the death of her granddaughter. She was only two when she drowned in the swimming pool of her granny’s house. To make matters more complicated, the grandmother had forgotten the gate to the pool open. What could I do to relieve her pain? Words rarely work in those cases. I allowed all the pain to come up. She was able to talk about her remorse, about the desire to punish herself. She could no longer sleep or eat, she thought about suicide all the time. We carried out a few reality checks and it became clear that she had no intention of killing the little girl. The reality checks also showed that her punishment would not bring the girl back. After a few months, when she was already felling better, an expected event that I will never forget took place, a true gift from God. She received a 47-page message from the daughter, written by a medium, saying that she had felt no pain at all when she died. She explained that the drowning and early death was part of her plans for this incarnation. The letter had details that only very few relatives knew, which proved its authenticity. A new life began for that lady. 

Is there anything else you would like to add? 

We are in the middle of a long journey through the road of progress. Our pride very often prevents us from seeing the stones we put on our path, as we believe that we are bigger and better than we really are. Remorse is usually awakened when our pride is hurt. For many people it is difficult to accept they have made a mistake. Instead of following the path towards reparation and atonement, they prefer to give up. When we finally realise who we really are – fallible beings, in the early stages of the school of life, indebted with one another albeit with a huge potential to do good deeds – then we become able to forgive. I understand that God does not make use of punishments or rewards. Instead, God makes us go through important experiences that will teach us to practice love in every circumstance, with everyone, everywhere, all the time.