Sônia Maria Dias:

“The family is the only divine institution on earth”

The founder of the Casa de Emmanuel Spiritist Centre (CEmm)
in Rio de Janeiro state talks about her experience
of 25 years in marriage counselling

	A Spiritist from birth, Sônia Maria Dias (photo) talks in this interview about her links with the Teachings and especially family life, an issue of uttermost importance. Sônia, who lives in the Brazilian city of Rio de Janeiro, is one of the founders of the Casa de Emmanuel Spiritist Centre, which marked in March its 19th anniversary.
Tell us first about your involvement in family issues and marriage counselling.

I have worked in marriage counselling for more than 25 years. I am involved in a number of other activities in Spiritism, including choir singing and a Christmas dinner for people who live rough, but I believe our Couples’ Meetings as the most important event. The family is the only divine institution on earth. The first event Jesus attended was the Wedding Feast at Cana. He attended the request from his mother and transformed the water into wine, giving life and colour to the event, allowing it to go ahead. “The best school is the home,” says Emmanuel in O Consolador. In The Spirits’ Book, question 775, we read that: “What would be the effect upon society of the relaxation of family-ties?” “A relapse into selfishness.” What we aim to offer is an opportunity for the couple to reflect on their life together. The event is for couples only. Our premise is that if the relationship between the husband and wife is not doing well, nothing will do well. The couple is the main foundation of the home. We do not discuss the children. We suggest that the couple attend other meetings or events where they have the opportunity to deal with that. Our attention, our dynamics, everything is focused entirely on the couple. Our meetings last a whole day. 

There is a big hype about the modern family. What, in your opinion, should not be lost in this process? 

Being together, spending time together, family time. We need to create situations, events to encourage the participation of everyone in the family: going out, eating, out, cinema, theatre, to sit down and have a chat, to have a laugh etc. I remember the lunches we had together, with my mother and father, the dinners, the Christmas parties. Such occasions are extremely important if we want to keep the family together and to create strong family bonds. 

The divorce is now allowed in most countries. But what are the challenges faced by those who divorce from a material, emotional and Spiritual point of view? 

The breakup of a marriage is a brutal act, it brings up discomfort at many levels: your situation changes, the other person is no longer there, there is no longer that partnership and complicity of the couple. In emotional terms, you need a lot of courage to overcome a breakup. And you need to make a big effort to keep a civilized, peaceful relationship, which is very difficult. Many people tell their children that they split up from daddy or mummy, not from them. But that is not the case. The family is broken up, the bonds get looser and the children suffer. From a Spiritual perspective, the soul goes upside down. I have seen many cases in which former husband and wife develop odd behaviour, they bear a grudge and begin plotting revenge. But, of course, in some cases things have a different outcome. Things improve after the couple splits up. 

What is your view on adoption? It has become increasingly common. What is the Spiritist approach to the issue of adoption? 

First of all, no one should adopt a child out of pity. We should not adopt to fill an emotional gap, be it the lack of our own biological children or following the death of our child. The person who is adopted must become a full family member, not the object of charity. The parents must be seen as parents, not as a charitable couple. Both sides – the parents and the child – will be going through a very delicate and profound process of readjustment before the Law of God, in the same way as the rest of us who are on earth. 

It is increasingly common for people to get remarried, taking their children to form new family units. What is the best way of keeping a good balance in such complex relationships? 

People indeed marry, split up, marry again… Why don’t they allow a bit more time before they have children? Not many man and women these days put their own interests to rest in order to protect their children from the upheavals of new relationships. The children should be the top priority. People should be very careful and check whether this second or third partner will be ideal to live with their children. In Nosso Lar, Our Home André Luiz tells us that most husband-and-wife relationships on earth are karmic. That is why there are so many clashes, so many failures. We need to be extra careful before embarking on yet another relationship. 

In the old days, the children fought for their independence, to earn a living and support themselves. Now, they tend to stay at home for as long as they can. What is your view on that? 

It is a new family model. Very few young people earn enough to have an independent life, which these days costs so much. Staying at home is easier, it brings emotional support for some and lack of maturity and prospects for many. In our schools we no longer have leaders. The teachers are no longer leaders. Parents, in their daily struggle to make ends meet, are no leaders either. Young people find the leaders they lack on television, in the sports world, among the celebrities. Those people know what life is about, many young people say. And young people very often lack the ambition or belief to fight for their own ideals. And what the find is sex, trivialized in every corner of the cities. 

Finally, what is your advice to those who are willing to get married to raise a family? 

Get married! Get together, united by the bonds of affection and mutual respect, trying to understand and know each other and to emphasize the good aspects of each other. Marriage can give our lives balance and meaning, as we decide to share our lives with someone else. But the life as a couple needs some daily warming up, with the condiment of affection, each one trying to conquer the other one every single day.