“It is not enough to marry. It is imperative to know what for?” ⁽¹⁾

Since 1984 - when statistical studies on divorce began in Brazil - the number of separations has only increased. From 30,800 on that year, it reached over 344,000 in 2016, according to the latest IBGE survey.

A curious fact of this last survey is that most of the divorces were consensual. If, on the one hand, this is a good thing, as it spares the wear of the litigation, on the other hand it may suggest that both parties might no longer tolerate each other, and want to put an end to a frustrated life cycle to start a new one with new expectations.

Why are there so many separations between couples?

Marital relationships are very complex. Individual features, influence of the original homes, reincarnation commitments, and a multitude of motivations that arise during life, can create lasting bonds between a couple or, in many cases, lead to an early end.

Separations have always existed, but it is undeniable that the modern world, extremely artificial and superficial, fosters them even more. Scientific and technological development, with its facilities and uselessness, an anxious desire to be "happy" at any price, freedom in excess, a general cultural degeneracy, and so many other reasons, have in the end lowered the level of relationships and stunned humanity, which began to elect immediate and empty values to counter its inability to deal with moral life.

Both yesterday and today, excuses remain to justify the breakup of a marital relationship. And in the list of reasons, there is always the lack of mutual understanding, tolerance and respect.

Over the decades, feelings – that gave a marriage some health and guaranteed a certain marital and family stability - lost their intensity. At the same time, society, more and more induced people to materialism, and adopted a selfish behavior based on the disbelief of values. Thus, it was to be expected that relations between people would become frivolous and without depth.

Elements of deconstruction in the Spirits

At a time when sexual freedom degenerated into permissiveness, irresponsibility has generated an explosive impact on the social environment and has led to the proliferation of undesirable indexes such as sexually transmitted diseases, rape, women’s aggression, and - among others - divorce. All this perplexing scenario fostered elements of deconstruction in the Spirit of the young people of the last generations, who were created in this environment and who have been giving back to society what they have learned.

It is true that times are different and the dynamics of life are now much faster, but those stages of the relationship that preceded marriage and which helped young people to know each other better are now just put aside without a second thought.

Can this count in the list of issues that harm marital relations? Perhaps!

Love: The reason for marriages?

When we talk about marriage, we associate love. We suppose that the feeling of love is the reason of marriage. Many religious ceremonies copy the Gospel, stating: "What God has joined together, let no man separate" (Matthew, XIX 3-9). But what union is being celebrated? The one of the soul or of the body?

Allan Kardec, addressing the subject, asks in Chapter XXII of The Gospel According to Spiritism: "In the common conditions of marriage is the law of love taken into account?" ⁽²⁾

When love is the bond that unites a couple, earthly issues do not really have enough strength to separate it. When the planning of a family, of a home, is supported by sincere and true bases, the afflictions of life and even the many temptations that arise, will serve only to mature the union. When the heart prevails instead of interests, and it seals the commitment of life together, it can be said that God has blessed the marriage of souls.

Palliative remedy for failure

In earthly societies, where moral imperfections are so evident, one cannot clearly disregard the divorce as a palliative for failed unions. A couple, who is always in conflict - and does not know how to dialogue and lives under the influence of minor passions -, runs the risk of aggravating the situation itself. Living together tortured by incomprehension, aversion, inconstancy, and disrespect, can generate unthinking attitudes that cause serious damage to the partners' spiritual lives.

Divorce is therefore a human resource "that legally separates what was already separated indeed" says Allan Kardec. Divorce frees from a forced confinement those who have been bound by fragile interests, where the spiritual considerations of a marriage have not been properly approached, or are not even known.

On the subject Emmanuel states in Chico Xavier's Chapter In the Age of the Spirit, a psychographics of Chico Xavier: "However, in the difficult days of the home, he recalls that divorce is fair, but in a condition of a measure articulated in the last instance."

Marriage is a natural desire

Nothing prevents a separated couple from redoing their married life with other people. There are unsustainable situations that need to be avoided before the worst happens. It is good to consider, however, that the unions on Earth have, in their almost totality, bonds of moral-spiritual obligation between the partners. True agreements are entered into between the spouses before reincarnation, in order to rectify past experiences that have failed and to build better days. The breaking of the commitment assumed, not always due to justifiable causes, transfers to the future obligations not fulfilled now.

The same IBGE survey that indicated the growth of divorce in Brazil also showed a slightly lower number of marriages when compared to previous years. According to the researchers, in times of crisis "It is natural for people to postpone their marriage plans".

However, marriage remains the majority’s normal desire. In The Book of Spirits, in question 695, it is stated that marriage "It is a progress in the march of Humanity". And in question 696, Allan Kardec comments wisely: "The free and fortuitous union of the sexes belongs to the state of Nature.”.

Marriage is one of the first acts of progress in human societies because it establishes fraternal solidarity and is found among all peoples, although in the most diverse conditions. The abolition of marriage would, therefore, be the return to the infancy of Humanity and would place man below even some animals, which give him the example of constant unions". ⁽³⁾

Before asking for a divorce, each person should make a self-analysis of their responsibility in the situation and try to find, through dialogue, if there are still any chances that have not yet been tried.

References:

(1) In the age of the Spirit, Several Spirits, Herculano Pires, Francisco C. Xavier. Chapter 11, "Getting Married" (Emmanuel), GEEM, SP.

(2) The Gospel According to Spiritism, Allan Kardec. Chapter XXII, "Do not separate what God has joined". LAKE, Sao Paulo.

(3) The Book of Spirits, Allan Kardec. Third Book, Chapter IV, "Marriage and celibacy". LAKE, Sao Paulo.

- Spiritist Magazine, Allan Kardec, July 1862, "Sympathetic Union of Souls", Edicel, Sao Paulo.

- The newspaper: O Estado de Sao Paulo, "Marriages and divorces", November 15, 2017.

- EBC - Agencia Brasil: Divorce grows more than 160% in a decade (nov.2015).