Sônia Monteiro Pavanelli (photo) is a member of O Consolador Group of Spiritist Studies in the Brazilian city of Jaboticabal, in the state of São Paulo, where she works on online study groups and evangelisation groups for children and adults, including the homeless. Sônia has degrees in Journalism and Literature. She was a guest, recently, in a TV programme in the city of Matão, where she spoke about the three virtues highlighted in this interview: kindness, politeness and tenderness:

During this recent TV programme you talked about kindness. Why are you interested in this particular virtue? 

Because I often fail to be kind to others. I’m aware, it must be said, Spiritism came into my life so I would be able to carry out the inner reform that I need. Before I speak to other people, I must speak to myself. 

How would you break this virtue down? 

Kindness demands vigilance and prayer to be practiced effectively. And whenever we express a will to do something, we activate all the other spiritual attributes that we have inside us: thinking, free will and conscience. That, as a matter of fact, kicks off a powerful energy circuit process that can lead to real transformation. 

What about politeness and tenderness? Are they the same thing as kindness or something different all together? 

If we look up the etymology of each word, I’m sure we’ll find differences. But I think the value of what we feel is more sacred than any particular word and its origin. As the Gospel According to Spiritism says in Chapter 11, item 8, as humankind develops, our sentiments become more sophisticated and purified. And each time we decide to challenge one of the bad tendencies we carry inside us, by producing acts of kindness, politeness and tenderness, we will be creating virtue and building up a sentiment. 

And what is the essence of this virtue? 

I think it’s in Jesus’s recommendation that we shouldn’t do unto others what we don’t want others to do unto us. We come from God and the Divine Laws are engraved in our conscience. That’s why we feel so bad when we move away from those laws, by being rude or unkind towards others. When we display an unpleasant, dark or sulky expression we are going against our divine origin. And we must bear in mind that what comes out of our mouth is what we carry inside our heart. And, more importantly, it’s in our power to select the quality of the emotional and spiritual nourishment that we will cultivate and consume. 

Do you think these virtues are scarce in human relations these days or they are simply hidden? 

A bit of both. The desire to be good is inherent to our nature. Good is more vigorous, enlightened and it has a more fragrant aroma than evil! I believe, however, that we have covered up our beautiful divine qualities. We have muffled our potential. And that has happened because we have become too distracted by materialism, mixing things up and treating as eternal values those that are ephemeral and as inexistent/invisible/disposable those that come from the Spirit. Who doesn’t like to be treated with politeness, respect and gratitude?

Why has it been easier to be aggressive than to cultivate these virtues? 

I must mention again the lack of vigilance. Jesus gave us a clear recommendation: be vigilant at all times and pray. When I talk about vigilance I talk about self-knowledge, about remembering every single day that we are spiritual beings living a material experience, not the other way around. That’s why we need to drink, daily, from the clean fountain of the Gospel of Jesus. We need to practice charity, in its deeper meaning, which goes beyond the act of donating material things. We need to look at ourselves and other people as Spirits, not as physical bodies. We must wake up.  

Is there a technique to develop these virtues? 

I think it’s essential that we cultivate dialogue within relationships. I must be able to say what I feel and, at the same time, to hear how the other person feels. To do that, we must disarm ourselves before we listen to the other person, and we must speak without judging. We must compromise the negative aspects and stand firm behind the non-negotiable values. Courage and the determination to love others are essential. Spiritism, which has been with me since my childhood, has served as my compass, as well as the methodology developed by the great Spiritist pioneer, Eurípedes Barsanulfo, at the Allan Kardec school in the city of Sacramento.

Is there anything else you would like to add?