By the directive of the sublime fraternity, the Divine Word recommends:

Therefore, you too, each one in particular, love your own wife as yourself, and the wife revere her husband. — Paul (Ephesians, 5:33.).

From the Spiritist literature, it appears that the union of the sexes is the divine aspect of marriage. The unfolding of the law of love, mentioned union, will have to transcend the bonds of the flesh, to converge in the face of souls. God wanted this to happen so that the “(...) mutual affinity of the spouses would be transmitted to their children and that there would be two, and not just one, to love them, to care for them and to make them progress.”¹

However, in the abode where we live², what do we do with marriage? A partnership regulated by the law of men? The unavoidable condition for the constitution of a family? A life goal? A social status? A record of our prosperity in the world?

In the Gospel According to Spiritism, Kardec seems to answer such arguments:

What is being considered is not the satisfaction of the heart, but the satisfaction of pride, vanity, cupidity, in a word: of all material interests. When everything goes for the best according to these interests, it is said that the marriage is one of convenience and, when the purses are well stocked, it is said that the spouses are likewise and very happy they will be.

What we make of marriage and how we understand it is directly related to how advanced we are. In the coexistence of imperfect spirits, the satisfaction of the heart is, in most cases, replaced by personal interest³, defined even before the meeting of the sexes.

In our earthly existence we talk about marriage, we witness it being carried out and we get married. Through these experiences, we build our point of view about such a union. However, we must ask ourselves why an institute so vividly present in our lives is so encouraging to us, and why do we have the innate feeling of being constantly pushed towards it?

The answer lies in the character of this union, made up of different divine hues.

As creatures of the Creator, we carry with us the divine spark that at all times puts us on the paths towards the Father⁴. One of these paths is marriage, the fruit of free choice and fraternal solidarity of being, which fulfills a sublime and progressive ambition: to love and be loved.

Through this kind of love for others, the spouses place themselves in communion with God, giving themselves up for the happiness of the other in sweet exhortations of fraternity.

Joanna de Angelis⁵ teaches us:

Love is an achievement of the mature, psychologically balanced spirit; power plant to keep emotional equipment in harmonic operation. It is a form of self-denial in fulfilling self-giving. It does not rest on suspicions or childish demands; it eliminates jealousy and ambition for possession, providing ineffable well-being to the loved one who, uncommitted to the duty of retribution, also loves. When, by chance, unrequited, it does not get hurt or irritated, understanding that its goal is to give, not to demand. It allows freedom to the other, who allows himself, without the burden of anxiety or compulsion.

When we get married, we consolidate the choice to love each other unpretentiously and to strip ourselves of the pride that persecutes us, from the criticism that destroys and from the jealousy that sickens.

Emmanuel, recalling the tragedies of married life and the need for spouses to be bound to the teachings of Christ, asserts:

Many men and women demand, for a long time, heavenly flowers on earthly thorns, demanding from others attitudes and guidelines that they are, for the time being, unable to adopt, and marriage becomes a detestable institution for them.

(...)

Does your wife remain below your expectations? Remember that she is the mother of your children and the servant of your needs. Is your husband ignorant and cruel? Do not forget that he is the companion that God has given you...

We will stumble. In many battles fought in our hearts between selfishness and love, the former will win. We will often steal our companion's happiness and peace. However, we must not fear. The Father knows us. Their expectations, just and pious, are not that we put out the fire that may happen in married life, but that we always have a glass of water with us in our hands.

Ricardo Di Bernardi⁶, dealing with probationary marriages, recalls that:

Probational marriages, with the effort of the partners, can become similar marriages, if not in this life in a next incarnation if the current coexistence creates new and productive stimuli. One does not reincarnate in order to suffer, but to grow, change, evolve and love. Besides, there is no apology for accepting aggressive or frankly harmful and unproductive relationships in which separation would be the inexorable path.

We know that, in certain cases, the overcoming of problems will determine at the end of the present life a fraternal and respectful coexistence. The overcoming of mutual difficulties will lead to the liberation of both who, when feeling free in spirituality, will be able to be reborn in another context, that is, together with their kindred souls.

Through marriage, we experience a new form of affection, which, like the love between brothers, between parents and children and friends, is a way of teaching and polishing the Spirit to the sublime fraternal love of the universal family of God.

References:

AUGUSTINE, Aurelius (St. Augustine). Confessions. Translation J. Oliveira Santos, S.J. and A, Ambrosio de Pina, S. J. Sao Paulo: Publisher: Editora Nova Cultural (Coleção Os Pensadores), 2004.

DE ANGELIS, Joanna (Spirit). The whole man. Psychographed by Divaldo Pereira Franco. Salvador: Leal, 1996.

DI BERNARDI, Ricardo. Sexual energy, love and spirituality. Matao-SP: O Clarim, 2021.

EMMANUEL (Spirit). Vineyard of Light. Psychographics by Francisco Candido Xavier. Brasilia: FEB, 2019.

KARDEC, Allan. The Book of Spirits. Translation by Salvador Gentile, revised by Elias Barbosa. Macaws: IDE, 2009. 182 edition.

KARDEC Allan. The gospel According to Spiritism. Translation by Guillon Ribeiro. Brasilia: FEB, 2018.

[1] KARDEC Allan. The Gospel According to Spiritism. Translated by Guillon Ribeiro. Brasilia: FEB, 2018. Pages 277-278.

² The Earth, therefore, offers one of the types of expiatory worlds, whose variety is infinite, but revealing all, as a common character, to serve as a place of exile for spirits rebellious to the Law of God. These spirits have to fight, at the same time, with the perversity of men and with the inclemency of Nature, a double and arduous work that simultaneously develops the qualities of the heart and those of the intelligence. This is how God, in His goodness, makes punishment itself result in a benefit for the progress of the Spirit.

³ 895. Leaving aside the defects and vices about which no one can be mistaken, what is the most characteristic sign of imperfection?

Personal interest. Moral qualities are often like the gilding in a copper object that cannot withstand the touchstone. A man can possess real qualities that make the world consider him a good man. However, these qualities, although they signal progress, do not always withstand certain tests and sometimes it is enough to cut the string of personal interest for the bottom to become uncovered. True disinterest is still so rare on Earth that, when it is patent, everyone admires it as if it were a phenomenon.”

⁴ (...) man wants to praise You, this fragment of Your creation. You incite him that he may like to praise You, because you made Him towards You and our heart is restless, until it rests in You.” (Augustine, Saint, Bishop of Hippo, 354-430. Confessions/Latin translation and preface by Lorenzo Mammì - 1^st ed. – Sao Paulo: Penguin Classics Companhia das Letras, 2017.

⁵ DE ANGELIS, Joanna (Spirit). The whole man. Psychographed by Divaldo Pereira Franco. Salvador: Leal, 1996. p. 114.

⁶ DI BERNARDI, Ricardo. Sexual energy, love and spirituality. Matao-SP: O Clarim, 2021. p. 20.